ElderChicks

A New Community Taking Wing by Thelma Reese

Thelma Reese — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:50:22 +0000

Recently I had the good fortune to discover a wonderful program that started right here in my own back yard. It’s called The Best Day of My Life (So Far), and was started by Benita Cooper, an architect, who was inspired by the stories her grandmother began to tell her in their weekly long-distance phone calls. Benita still spends an hour or so every week with the group she originally organized at a local senior center, but the program and the idea at its heart is growing and taking wing in many directions. The idea is that intergenerational communication, the power of personal stories, developing friendships, and the mutual understanding and inspiration that can grow from shared experiences all enrich our lives in powerful ways.

If you click on The Best Day of My Life (So Far) , you’ll find some wonderful stories, interesting people, and something that seems to be hitting a nerve among a widely diverse group of people around the world.

A Word for Nostalgia by Thelma Reese

Thelma Reese — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:24:48 +0000

I remember . . . . . While we (many of us, that is) joke and complain about having to grope for names these days, our long-term memory seems to be intact. Witness my recent response to hearing that next Monday is Presidents’ Day:

I remember when Abraham Lincoln and George Washington each had his own birthday celebrated – February 12^th and February 22^nd respectively. I even remember the hard red candy cherries encased in cute cardboard hatchets we had on the 22^nd! It’s kind of sad to me that they lost their individual birthday celebrations.

Do you remember something that brings a wistful smile or a happy memory?

A New Mindset? by Anonymous

ElderChicks — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:43:00 +0000

My children are making the assumption that I can be left, in limbo, until I have a need. A need usually involves a medical emergency. I am having to remind myself that this is natural and to not have hurt feelings. I realize they are busy with their lives and accept that. They live in two separate cities. I am selfishly thinking, as I am widowed and live alone, how they can possibly forget to just call without a purpose or a holiday. It is as if I have been filed in the not important, but if necessary, I will accept responsibility for helping out. I miss their companionship. I do not know how to voice that without making them feel guilty which would make me unhappy also. A new mindset? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Rising to the Challenge by Sandra Mauck

ElderChicks — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:32:52 +0000

Yes, thanks for opening up this discussion. I was struck by the infantilizing comment. I am beginning to see that emerge. So strange to me. I just had a conversation with my personal banker, a lovely young talented woman, who kept a “aren’t you the sweetest little thing” attitude about me when she talked. It didn’t get in the way of the content, she gave me as much as I needed. But it struck a cord that I often hear service people “talk down” to us. I see it as a challenge actually. Rather than get all offended, I can see that I rise to the challenge by staying more present, being authentic and almost always am rewarded with a connection with the other person that is better as a result. Thanks for the topic. I really like airing my views here.

February: (In)dependence

ElderChicks — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:46:17 +0000

Recently we visited with a spirited discussion group who meet regularly at a senior center in Philadelphia. Their ages range from 60 to late 80s, mostly women. We wanted to know whether and how they are facing issues of loss of control over parts of their lives, maintaining independence, and retaining dignity. Jenny, who is a very active 80-something had a story that obviously resonated, given the laughter, nods of agreement and applause that followed. Here’s what she told us:

“I’m very fortunate to have a loving family. For many years I was the one who always entertained on holidays. Now I’m happy to contribute a special dish and leave everything else to others and be a guest. But I do notice that my daughters are starting to take over in some ways I didn’t invite. They’ve started buying clothes for me! Pants suits! I like choosing and buying my own clothes – by myself, and I still wear dresses and skirts. At first, I told them I didn’t really need what they were sending me. Didn’t work. Now I just say, ‘Thanks so much. You’re very thoughtful’ and never wear them.

She added, “But I do like the fact that they keep up with my medical reports and I even want one of them to go with me to doctor’s appointments.”

How about you? Is there something you’ve “handed over” to others or would like to? Conversely, do you feel that your children are infantilizing you by “taking over”? Do you worry about role reversal? Do you welcome it? Please share your thoughts with ElderChicks.com, your virtual community.

Remember, you can always remain anonymous as long as you provide your email address –which will never appear or be given out.

A Retirement Quandry by Kathy

ElderChicks — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:01:50 +0000

I just wanted to know if there are any other women who as they thought about retiring found themselves caught up between the practical side of the financial verses moving away to be closer to some family and warmer weather.

I find that I may have to apply for low income housing in order to stay in the northeastern part of the country. I would have very little financial worries as to keeping a roof over my head so to speak. That is the major “pro” in the quandary I am in. I find in my middle 60′s that I really do not enjoy the cold winter and yet I have lived in Florida and the humidity is tough too! My son and my older grandchildren live there now and I have a few good friends in Florida, too. The cost of living there is not as expensive as the northeast but more than what I would pay for low income housing costs.

Also, I am an artist and would like some space to continue to be creative within my home and 450 square feet in a housing apartment is very small no matter the cost in some respects…..

I guess I am stuck as to what to make my priorities in order to know what the best choice for me is and I am analyzing it all to a crazy-making point!

How can I know what is actually going to make me happiest?

I respect and appreciate any and all who can share with me because others experiences would be helpful…

Relieving Stress, One Stitch at a Time

ElderChicks — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:02:53 +0000

I was glad to briefly meet Thelma at BAKG (Big Apple Knitter’s Guild). I haven’t read your whole blog but it looks lovely.

I have become a knitting addict since my retirement (I’m 70) and it has helped me deal with stress. Here are my main stress causes: (1) my (same-sex) life partner of about 30 years has dementia. (2) I have heart and other health problems.

I welcome input from anyone else dealing with dementia. We live in NYC and I am faced with a lot of future decisions about where to live, etc. This is complicated by the fact that I can’t drive (and, of course, neither can she any more). I think we, or I, will be limited to an urban area. Isolation is a problem, even in nyc, especially with my limited health and energy. Getting around town, getting aides to stay with her, getting her to accept that, etc. All problematic. Back to knitting. I have found a helpful group on Ravelry, for those knitters out there who are familiar with it. Works better for me than alzheimer’s support groups.

Hope to hear from others on this blog. Thank you.

Grandparents Can Help Blended Families Create A Good Mix During the Holidays and Other Shared Times by Sunie Levin

ElderChicks — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 21:34:24 +0000

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Josh smugly announced. “You are not my real grandfather.” Art, his step grandfather, was hurt and shocked and furious. But he kept his cool. He thought he and his wife got along well with his daughter-in-law’s children from a previous marriage. But he didn’t. He nearly bit his tongue in two to keep from saying what he wanted to say. Instead, he suggested to his daughter-in-law that Josh and he have a talk about grand children and grandparents and what the entire situation meant for all of them.

Family life for many has been altered by divorce, interfaith marriage and separation by distance. Get togethers and holidays rarely prove joyful times as depicted by the Brady’s on T.V. More often, as families blend, it produces stress all around. It can be difficult for children in a new family especially when they have been comfortable with rituals and customs that were repeated year after year in their in their former home.

Stepbrothers and stepsisters are strangers, at the beginning. It takes time for them to get to know each other, and everyone is touchy. Rivalry between children of the two families is always either open or lurking below the surface. everyone keeps score, and some feel they are losing.

The very rituals that each family brings along with them can become an exciting experience. Here’s where grandparents can come in, big time. Grandparents obviously aren’t the parents, so they have a different status, a different aura. They can help in the melding process by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are and by exploring the different family traditions and pointing out how great they are by having two different sets it enhances the holiday experience for everybody.

When there are two different religious cultures involved clearly this can be a minefield, but grandparents can, if they are of a mind to, help the kids see the good points of each faith and that the religions are not adversaries, but rather complementary.

Grandparents usually are especially good at story telling. Share what it was like at holiday time when you were young. Encourage each child to share a story of what they enjoyed most for holidays. You don’t have to do things a certain way although it should be some combination of old traditions with new. Be particularly sensitive to anyone for whom this may be their first holiday together. Be patient. It takes time for the new blended situation to have the feel of one single family. Grandparents can be extremely helpful in the process, but they need to be mindful of the sensitivities of the situation. With luck, it won’t be all that long before rude Josh starts calling you ‘Gramps.

A Good Life by Christine Purves

ElderChicks — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:59:51 +0000

We have a young relative who was unhappy in college until she realized she was lesbian and wanted to “come out.” Since doing so, she has not lost a single friend, has graduated with a master’s in social work, joined a church, and is leading a wonderful, productive, helpful life.

No Time for Boredom by Grace Acciavatti

ElderChicks — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 23:13:29 +0000

Today I am so happy that I made the decision to leave my empty house and move to Maris Grove. I moved here in August ( an earthquake hit) and I believe that was Karma for me. I am with so many lovely people and joined the Maris Grove players and had a part in our show HAPPY DAZE …shooting pool ( never held a pool stick in my life) turning out to be champion!!! Never knew the WII game but I am bowling on it now. My children and grandchildren have their life and a busy one at that…I don’t interfere and being with my peers is stimulating and comforting. We have so much to do here there is no excuse to be bored. I have had many health issues and can’t dwell on that here. So, I look forward to a New Year and wish all of you elder chicks out there a very happy, healthy, prosperous new year.