ElderChicks

A Response to “Getting Healthy in Retirement” by Leslie Tullis

ElderChicks — Thu, 03 May 2012 19:08:09 +0000

Interesting to see the perspective from the other side of 65. I suppose that, when I talked about my plans for retirement, it described what I would do if I retired now, without having learned all the lessons one learns between 30 and 65.These lessons probably include things like, “You feel better when you take care of your body” and “Investing in your health is worth it in the short term, not just the long term.”It probably also includes some lesson like, “Having nothing to do is no fun.” This I can intuit, but I can’t yet understand. It’s such a prevalent notion, and millions of retirees intentionally stay busy when they don’t have to, so I have to believe that it is valid.

But what could be more blissful than a few decades of no commitments, no promises, no expectations, not being needed? Time to laze, think, dabble, meander, with no one to answer to and nowhere to be at a certain time every day. A purely experiential, rather than a productive, life, like a child who has not yet gone to school.

I suspect that either I am naturally lazier than other people (which may very well be true) or there is something about all the (intellectual, professional, maternal) productivity that is expected of women in their 20′s and 30′s that makes it hard for us to understand the benefits of remaining productive after retirement.

Does anyone have any light to shed on this for me?

I would really appreciate it. (This is a selfish rather than intellectual motivation. If there are lessons embedded in retirement that I could use to make better decisions now, I want to learn them!)

Best,

Leslie

Getting Healthy in Retirement by Tamah Graber

ElderChicks — Tue, 01 May 2012 18:19:33 +0000

Well, I did retire last year. Still not gettig all the sleep I would like to have, but it is nice not to HAVE to get up at a specific time. On the other hand, sleep may be overrated. It takes time away from living.

I find that now that I am retired instead of eating the cake, I joined a gym! I had joined one while working, but getting there at 5:30 a.m. didn’t cut it for me. Now I can get to the gym at times when it is not crowded and do my thing. I’m also taking a water exercise class that meets twice a week at 9 a.m. So I am trying actually to become MORE healthy as I get older because the body parts seem to be wearing thin.

I meet with friends for lunch or dinner, I read what I want when I want, I work in glass and have more time to do it. I’m planning on travelling more. And no, I don’t wear heels.

Retirement is great, but I plan to find some part-time work or volunteer work that interests me, because although I have been an avid reader all my life, one cannot spend all the time reading. I already volunteer for Hadassah and will probably do more, but I’m thinking about becoming a docent for the National Gallery of Art in addition.

What I do know, that is if you are lucky enough to be fairly healthy, there are so very many options open to pursue, and I hope to pursue many of them.

May: In Transit

ElderChicks — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:20:27 +0000

Last month Leslie, the mother of two-year old twins and starting a new career, wrote this on our blog following a chat with her mother, who is contemplating what to do next now that she is approaching retirement at 65:

Life before 65 is just practice.

The way I see it, you work hard for sixty-odd years, and then you finally get what you’ve been waiting for. I’m only about halfway there at this point. It seems like I’m never going to get there. But when I do… look out!

When I finally get there, I am going to eat fewer vegetables and go on cholesterol medication and save room for cake. I’m going to sleep all I want. I’m going to read all the books I never had time to read and write all the things I never had time to write.

I’m going to do only the things I want to do and spend time only with people I like.

I’m going to cultivate the deep internal dialogue that can only happen in periods of absolute stillness.

And I’ll never, ever get a blister from wearing high heels ever again.

What can we tell Leslie? What can we tell Leslie’s mother? Do these sentiments reflect how you feel about the transitions, past and present, that you have faced? What have you learned that can help people like Leslie prepare for her future? Share your thoughts with us.

Seniors for Political Action by Pat Boni

ElderChicks — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 18:12:08 +0000

Some years ago, when I was living in San Diego a friend of mine took me aside at a party given by a mutual friend to ask me how I felt about some of us “seniors” (women, that is) starting a political activist group. I thought it was a great idea. Eight women and one man (a colleague of mine from San Diego State-History Department) met to discuss our focus. We became the Board. The biggest problem we ran into during the first few organizational meetings was what to call ourselves.We finally agreed on Progressive Grandmothers for Political Action. You’d be amazed at how many of our new members had a problem with the “Grandmother” part of the name!

The arguments ranged from “What if you’re not a grandmother?” to “Why do we have to emphasize how old we are?” Some members balked at “progressive” but the three of us who started the group said that term counteracted the idea that we, ladies in our 60′s, 70′s 80′s, and 90′s (that comprised the ages of the original 8 of us!) were not reactionaries or old fogies.

But it was the term “grandmother” that got the dander up of several women (all of whom were, in fact, grandmothers) for the first few months as we brought in more and more new members.

We didn’t capitulate. PGPA was a successful organization in Rancho Bernardo for several years with more than 138 men and women on our email address list. We had mayors, council members, state representatives, and other wonderful guest speakers at our monthly meetings which were held in a large meeting room at The Remington Club.

Only when one of our founders died, another moved, a third became too ill, and I packed up to leave the city did our group disband.

Let’s Lead the Way by Sandra Mauck

ElderChicks — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:25:47 +0000

You know, this is exactly why I started my own blog, Life’s Third Trimester. It is my intention to help extend ourselves over the internet with all the gifts, wisdom and abilities we possess in order to do away with ageism, and to enhance even more diversity among our culture.

I feel strongly that we were and in some cases still are portrayed negatively or with amusement. But so were women for many years. How many dumb blond jokes are about men? What about stupid wife jokes. I can tell story after story from my own experience about how as a woman I was disregarded and dismissed. We have moved as women and we indeed are the leading edge. I envision us waving to the boomers behind us (at the end of their 2nd trimester) and saying “Come on in!! It’s great here!! Really, really nothing to fear.” Let’s be a solid force for change and show true lights so others will see how aging is a positive experience.

A Time to Celebrate by Dick Goldberg

ElderChicks — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 14:24:59 +0000

I suggest another strategy. Let’s go on the offensive and celebrate being seniors and reclaim the word, not shun it—like gay people have done with the word “queer” and some Jews with the word “Hebe.” What’s a term for endearment in the Black community? The N word!

I think it’s time to open the window and say “I’m glad as hell I’m old and I’m going to celebrate it because old is good! And if you don’t like it, get out of the way!”And while we’re at it, let’s start shattering the myth that we’re in a youth culture, that it’s better to be young. It just isn’t. If you reconciled a balance sheet of the assets vs. liabilities of the skills, knowledge, wisdom, life experience, physical ability, resources etc. — the full panoply of our portfolios as human beings — vis-à-vis the “portfolios” of twenty- and thirty- and forty-some things, your heart, I think, would have to go out to them, the poor dears.

In other words, when you take the full measure—even with our liabilities–older, on average, as the songwriter Stephen Sondheim wrote, is simply “better and stronger and deeper and nearer and simpler and freer and richer and clearer”— and more fulfilled than younger. They have more? How could they?!

Let’s also take a cue from those who have been the front-line champions of other movements and their rallying cries: “Black is beautiful.” “I am Woman; hear me roar.” “We’re here; we’re queer— get over it.” Old is Good. We like being old. Seniors are survivors! The elderly have been there, done that, and really know what life is about! And aging means becoming more human.

What could be better?

This is Not What I Wanted by Susan Meis

ElderChicks — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 21:35:08 +0000

I hate being a caregiver. I have been one for five years. Life was not supposed to be like this. I awaken every morning with the same feeling in the pit of my stomach. Daily chores again! When do I get time off? He can do some things for himself but life has chained me to this man I married 65 years ago. His life is now what it is. He cannot hear so I am his ears. He cannot see so I am his eyes. I am his constant companion. I do take off for a 45 minute walk every morning, and I do things without him for a few hours one day a week. But I hate being a caretaker. I want someone to care for me as I take care of him.

Independent Until the End by Sandra

ElderChicks — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 15:28:08 +0000

It’s been almost 5 years now since my mother died. She was 89 and living independently up until a month before she died. I often resented going to see her but did especially once she no longer drove. I gladly went shopping for her, but taking her places was always difficult as she was a controlling type of person. Still, I respected her and admire her to this day for how she managed her life as she became more and more dependent on others.

Eventually, I went to a caregivers support group. I hesitated because I knew I was not really a “caregiver” until I read the brochure. I saw that much of what I was doing for and with my mom was in fact caregiving and I deserved support as much as anyone.

I’ve never regretted doing that support group and I think my relationship with my mom was improved as a result. I miss her still, of course, and as I begin my own aging I think of her decisions and will be using her as a model of workable indepedence in what ever form it takes. The last day before she died, she was still making her own decisions about hospice and other things, she insisted on drinking water by herself with no assistance. She liked doing things on her own and I believe I am very much like her.

Caring From a Distance by Marilyn Arnold

ElderChicks — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 01:50:34 +0000

My biggest challenge is how do I care for my 85-year old mother and my 101 year old mother-in-law who are both 1200 miles away. The answer is very old fashioned – the telephone and the mail. My mother-in-law is very deaf; however, she can read without glasses and her long term memory is very good. I write to her every week letting her know how we are and reminding her of our next visit. When we are together, I communicate with her by writing on a pad of paper. She is very engaged and can answer my questions.

My mother is always so happy when I call her. She wants to know what I did that day,and I am always upbeat, also discussing memories of both her childhood and mine. We both look forward to the calls. She still does handwork and crochets beautiful pieces some of which I am using on my vintage pillows.

We are so blessed to still have these two wonderful ladies!!

Paying the Bill by Emma Lapsansky-Werner

ElderChicks — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 17:30:48 +0000

In 1987, I gained a new partner–a man 22 years my senior. We “dated” (do people our age still “date”?) for almost ten years, then he moved in with me. Part of our pact with each other is that neither of us wanted to remarry. However, after seven years of living together, we realized that neither of us was going anywhere else, we instituted a clear-and-complex prenutial agreement, and then we married. There followed another five lovely years before his health began to take a precipitous decline. I became his driver, medicine-tracker, bather, planner, budget-manager, care-taker. When he asked me how I felt about this I replied “one doesn’t expect to have a wonderful meal and then leave the restaurant without paying the bill.” So began three years of not much sleep, a complicated balancing act of job and care-taking, and my friends worrying about MY health. My hubby is now in an assisted living facility, I am (guiltily) getting enough sleep, and beginning to regain the lost weight, too. I visit often, but it’s hard. I try to stay focused on the wonderful meal, not the bill-paying.